Going out for me is so much of a big deal. Any going out. could be to church, jogging, to see a friend, for a show, anything. I start to plan from one week to a month ahead for a wedding, mostly because I never get invited to many and am conscious about not looking 'too bad'. I spend a lot of money, time and energy on preparations for the outing and end up feeling overdressed, because people at the party did not even 'try' or its a boring party or am tired and I want to leave. I don't really like socializing much and for me, a good outing would be where I am complemented. To be complemented, I have to feel 'pretty'. No joke, when I don't feel pretty, I never get complements.
I get so crazy too, like a smudged nail polish or an eye shadow that didn't look as it did on that You tube tutorial colored beautiful had on her channel could soil the day. Moving gradually from condemning myself to accepting that it is how I am especially wired. Obsessively compulsively highly strung about going out.
I went for an event this weekend that I almost did not. Mostly because I hate wasting my Saturdays, and if I was going to go out and not have fun, then why bother is my rationalization. But I enjoyed this outing. I did not buy anything new to wear and honestly, the cotton dress I wore was sheer, so it had a small wear which I noticed in the car on my way there. but I did not really mind. I did mind, but not that much.
It was an event for ladies and a competition had been tied to the event. To digress a bit, I never won anything before. Nothing. So, like most things I have learnt to let it go. Never expected to be called out, to shine, not really. Anyway, at this event I won something. Only the organizers took a look at me and decided I didn't need the prize, which unbeknownst to them I had in fact looked forward to, and then they decided to give me something else instead.
Everyone spoke with an accent at this event. There were at least 98% Nigerians at this thing, and every single one spoke with some kind of accent. That stood out for me. Am not even sure why there was so much effort to speak that way. Was it because the facilitator was American? Was it because we were all female save for 2 male photographers? Did I notice because I was not used to going out? Anyway, it bothered me. I cant speak with an accent. I speak very well and try to pronounce all the English words properly but I cant speak with an accent. Not because I cant if I wanted to, but because I do not see the need. I am coherent. And it annoys me to see that people take themselves so seriously when they speak with an accent.
My friend's child, a three year old boy, went visiting in the States for the first time. After some weeks, he started to speak to other - mostly white kids - with an accent, and immediately switches over to regular Nigerian when he had to speak to mum or brother. Quite fascinating. The lesson is he understood well. To his people, he spoke one language and to the foreigners he spoke their language. These Nigerian women spoke with an accent to each other and to me.
Was going to end this with "That's my drivel." but decided against it. It is actually serious.
That's my viewpoint.
